25 October 2023

Am still around, will catch up soon with whoever the fuck is reading. Couldn’t get my brain into gear after it for some reason.

Briefly: Turns out Dad had another brain bleed that precipitated this latest ambulance ride (see previous post). Doug flew out there early this morning to be with him. Carrie sent me photos. I’ll update this later and add them. Dad’s doctor also told him that if Dad doesn’t stop drinking, he’ll die. So it sounds like they have zeroed in on the drinking causing either the brain bleeds or the falls that cause the brain bleeds, unless it’s the brain bleeds causing the falls. Either way. It’s all of a piece. Just like I thought. I am pretty sure that when I was in ninth grade taking a current-affairs class, we had a segment on drug abuse and were shown a photo of the brain of an alcoholic and let’s just say it was ugly: huge contrast from a healthy brain, mushier and bloodier looking. It is amazing what you will draw on later from your memories in the midst of a crisis.

Also, Aunt Matilda, one of his younger sisters and also my godmother (fat lot of good that did), is on the warpath against me writing about this publicly. I am not sure where she saw me but I am guessing on Facebook. I am not sure she has worked out that I have a homepage. I am not sure it matters. But I got thirdhand-fussed at through Carrie and Doug about it. She can keep fussing. I am so tired of this shit. Welcome to life being acquainted with a writer. I may not be making a living at it, but this is me and you will just have to fucking deal. If you haven’t figured that out by now, it’s time.

I wrote this on Facebook a few days ago when shit first blew up:

Hey if any more family come here looking for shit to gossip and rage about, here’s a 21st-century primer for you:

1. Alcoholism isn’t a secret anymore.

2. It is a thing that actually causes problems for both the drinker and other people.

3. People who have had problems caused for them have a right to talk about that. Including publicly.

4. Men who behave badly or in ill-advised ways (not the same thing) do not have a right to be simped about it. Men will shame women all fucking year long for showing one square inch too much of boobage or having one too many boyfriends before age 30. Excuse the fuck out of me if a woman wants to talk about her dad committing slow self-unaliving. I think that’s rather more significant.

More to the point, where the hell have any of you been most of my life? You think you get editing rights now? Sit the hell down. Thank you.

People who can’t be arsed to stick the fuck up for me when I am being blatantly mistreated can shut the fuck up when I have opinions about things. You already showed me whose side you’re on and I only care about the opinions of people who give a shit about me. And then only just so far. I’m not a fucking windsock, and I’m not gonna wave in whatever direction people blow me, and you can get the fuck over it. Good talk.

This man used to drive intoxicated with me and/or my brother in the car. When we were CHILDREN.

Go fuck yourselves.