08 October 2023

Today was an off day. Remember me complaining about Shark Week not having begun yet? Well, it’s here. First few days are usually the worst. I’ve got pads, I’ve got wipes, I’ve got some food (trying not to go too crazy, I’m behind already for my final rent payment)… brangit.

I did sleep in late. Not sure what that was about other than the temps are dropping and maybe that’s making me extra-sleepy. No idea. It was close to 2pm when I finally got up and it wasn’t lounge around in bed for hours and then go “oh shit,” it was flat-out sleeping. It’s not like I have curtains on the bedroom window. Probably the cloudiness outside didn’t help. I don’t get the sun through my bedroom window til later in the day since it is west-facing, but even around noon I start noticing it if I’m not up already.

I was going to mention a critter count yesterday and then I didn’t even post. I saw a groundhog RIGHT next to the road at one point. Then later on I was in a neighborhood and had to slow down and almost stop because — of all things — a squirrel decided to stop in the middle of the street FOR A SCRATCH. What the hell, little tree rat. You trying to die? But the person behind me wasn’t all that close and had time to see what was up.

Did I mention the squirrels I had seen some time back — a few weeks ago, maybe? Had to be a mom and baby pair crossing the road. The second one was noticeably smaller than the first one. Little’un panicked about halfway across, froze, then ran back the way it had come. There was oncoming traffic, but they saw it in time, so it got lucky. Damn.

If they would just sit still and I could go over with them between my tires it would be one thing; they’re small enough to miss. The problem is they always manage to panic just when you are deciding to do this and then you end up clipping a leg, clipping a tail, or worse. The ONE time I got caught by this, the poor little guy went into spasms on the side of the road, just flipping around. Spinal damage. Fatal. I felt horrible. No doubt little squirrel felt far worse. That was more than 20 years ago and I still haven’t forgotten. I don’t care how little they are, hurt is hurt. I’d rather not. I wish more drivers felt like I do. So many fursplats on the side of the road this time of year testify otherwise.


Had an incident recently where an ambulance showed up on the lot and the EMT came knocking on my door. Did you call an ambulance? says he. No, I says. What’s your house number? says he, and I tell him. Oh, that’s not it, says he. What number did they give when they called? says I. He tells me, and it’s the landlord’s house across the driveway, so I redirect him.

The ambulance did not turn its siren back on when they finally left, so I reasoned either Landlord had had an accident or a spell and had needed medical attention but not hospitalization, or else the end had come and they were taking him away. No one said anything to me over the next day or so, so I started thinking it was more the former than the latter.

Then yesterday or the day before, not sure which, I was driving back from somewhere and it was dark or nearly so, so I could glance through their front windows on the way back to my driveway and I saw his hospital bed and him in it. So that answered that question. With his end-stage prostate cancer and the fact he’s outlived his prognosis by at least several months, it could go either way really. And most of the time prostate cancer is a chronic condition that older men just live with. He should have played the Powerball.

Speaking of which. I was in the Saturday drawing. First time in my life I’ve ever bought a ticket for a number draw; I’ve had them bought for me once or twice before now but never done it myself. I thought: worst-case scenario, I’m out two bucks. I’ve wasted money on worse. The weird thing is the numbers were very close to the ones I paid for. As if I were about five books down on the library shelf or something. Like the universe taunting me.

I will tell you what. Unless I get into a better place in life all on my own, this won’t be the only time I play it. I will likely only play when the jackpot goes over a billion; I only waited as long as I did this time because I didn’t know it had already. But when it gets that high it becomes stupid not to play. There is near certainty you won’t win if you play but if you don’t play, there is absolute certainty. If I have to live on the margins anyway, let me camp out on that one too.

And if I ever win I am not telling you fuckers. Well. I might tell YOU. There are people I know who won’t find out, though, at least not directly from me. If you only like me when I have money, then you don’t like me and you don’t get any. I will make exceptions for my kids. Only because they didn’t ask to be here, and they still won’t know until I kick off. I won’t even leave them a note. Just whatever property I willed them and then the money. Let them draw their own conclusions. I won’t have to suffer anymore wondering what those are.

But of course this is never going to be an issue. You know this. I know this. Moving on now.

Nobody won it Saturday, either; I wasn’t the only one disappointed. I’m debating whether I want to throw another $2 away or just wait and see what happens. Given my current state of affairs, I am probably better off playing. But always one ticket at a time. I am only desperate. I am not stupid.

Well. Not entirely stupid. I’m taking days off again, but it’s that stupid Shark Week. I can’t function at my best when I don’t know when (not if) I’m going to have a bloody accident right out there in public. I am honestly not sure what’s going to happen with my working life, either. I can put things off for a bit now that it’s gone and happened because it’s still pretty reliably happening every 30 to 34 days, but at some point pretty soon I’m going to have to shut that shit down one way or another. Surgery is likely out of the question due to the recovery time I will need, even if I got insurance tomorrow, and I almost could. That leaves me going back on the Pill for the first time in more than two decades. I don’t want to shut my cycle down but honestly, what good is it doing me at this point when I wind up bleeding like a stuck pig. If I do get insurance none of it should, in theory, cost me anything; if I can’t get insurance for some reason, I have certain telemedicine options now which didn’t exist 20 years ago and which shouldn’t set me back too much. One example I looked at charges $25 for the consult which includes followups for a whole year. I’m pretty sure it’s that $25 that one time for the whole year, but even $25 monthly would be a bargain. And the prescription itself can be as low as $15 for the cash pay option. We’ll see.

I also worry about my car. When am I not worrying about my car. I need some Seafoam soon to sort of clean up the fuel system a bit and I think I want to add a few quarts of oil. Not to the fuel system, obviously. (I have to specify this explicitly, otherwise someone out there’s gonna be an asshole.) It’s maybe 3k miles since the last oil change, but I was advised at some point that my car’s an oil-burner, so it needs topped up now and again. Can do. Not a problem. I just don’t like the way it sounds. Better safe than sorry. I do see a huge difference, even on a long day driving, in my mileage compared to when I was staying in Whitehall. So I’m still at an advantage being in Dublin rather than having to commute here. Can’t hate that.

But I still have to watch out. So I’m thinking give it another day or so and then apply at Big Retail Store. Actually two different ones along that same corridor. If worse came to worst I could walk to the one or bus-commute to the other and it wouldn’t be a fucking crisis. We’re going into the holiday season and it would be weird if they both said no. I mean, they could, but it’d be weird. If they’re paying at least $15 an hour and I have time to delivery-drive I will probably be okay until I get November’s rent sorted. After that, it’s whatever. I’m already mostly resigned to going back to ITS again. At least the one in that general area is in okay shape. At least, the room I stayed in was. Except the bathroom door, but it’s just going to be me and I am not particularly worried about the bathroom door.

I want to talk about other stuff but you don’t want to know how long it took me just to get this out. Also I faked the time stamp because I started writing after midnight… this is just silly. It’s okay. I’m not a news reporting service. But I really should get to bed soon. Maybe I’ll talk about that other shit later.