On my Substack I’ve been writing about various things, and I have this pattern for constructing the titles of essays where I talk about autobiographical stuff. Stole said pattern straight out of the Friends playbook, so those essay titles start with “The one where”. It’s kind of silly but I figure most Gen Xers will get the reference and that’ll likely be a good chunk of my miniscule reader population.
So I just did one about “The one where I got my husband arrested.” I write these things offline, but it’s ready to go.
So now I’m a bit wrung out and not inclined to be wordy or eloquent here. But some highlights:
1. Have now made my third-ever batch of potato salad, possibly fourth, and all since I got back here last December. Dad has pronounced my efforts “real good,” which is high praise in Southern American English.
2. Yesterday I fried my first pork chops. I have cooked pork chops before, but not breaded and deep-fried. Result also pronounced “real good.” I devoutly hope the flavor and general texture translate well to a keto air fryer recipe, because that’s one I’d miss if I ever get back on it. In the meantime, I suppose there’s the pseudo-old-fashioned way. I say “pseudo” because if this fucking nest of clowns thinks Crisco soybean oil is “traditional,” have I got a beach in Arizona to sell them. But Dad thinks animal fats are “grease” and “more messy” and pretty much everyone is captured by the fake nutrition lobby. What can you do.
(People think this being captured by gender identity thing is new and unusual. And I’ve also got a bridge in Brooklyn on offer at tremendous discount. It’s yuge!)
3. GEICO has not yet tried to charge my account only to be turned down. The payment was supposed to be due on the fifth. Apparently my coverage is still active. I have no idea how we have come to this pass. The due date has not changed in the system. I didn’t realize this was a problem until after I got home from visiting Carrie yesterday and shit, I’m lucky if I can make a phone call here. Can’t really investigate the other very effectively. Hope nothing weird’s going on there.
4. Dad made some remark about all my appointments lately as he’s noticed I have one Monday, so I went ahead and told him about the tit biopsy. Might as well. That could have gone either way because I probably could have just mumbled it off, but fuck it. Not that Monday’s thing is about the biopsy. Me telling him was just an explanation for extra appointments in March.
I tried to get a hold of the office yesterday to double-check that my appointment is fasting but wouldn’t you know it, they close at noon on Fridays. They were open today but I forgot about that until now. I’m not used to a doctor’s office open on Saturdays, even for a half-day, and anyway I think they are going to remove Saturday from their operating hours later this year, so it probably doesn’t matter. But I guess I will just assume it’s fasting and go in hungry, or water only. I could have sworn they told me to do that. 1:15pm is just a weird time of day for fasting labs.
Oh well. And that reminds me. Note to self: Ask for a glucose meter prescription. If they aren’t willing to do that or if Medicaid has some weird rule, I’m gonna be irritated.
5. Dad for his part has good days and bad days. The hospital visit last week was me letting a bad day go on for too long so I’m hoping this is a transient thing. He IS due to see his kidney doctor this month, so if he lasts until then before something gets really weird (for him), I suppose that’s something but if he’s taking a nose dive then we’re gonna have a talk. I’ll take him food in the hospital if it’ll help. This is ridiculous.
But the way today went, I may be barbecuing tomorrow. I am not opposed to that. It is a skill I should learn. If something happens and I’m still here, I’m inheriting the fucking grill, after all. It would be weird if I didn’t. What’s Doug going to do, have it shipped to Oregon? Un-fucking-likely.
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Additional note: I’ve been back and forth about applying to Local Grocery Chain in Crowley. The most recent day we went, I noticed everyone had their store uniform shirt tucked into their pants (trousers). I hate wearing shirts that way. On the other hand, what a dumb reason not to try to get a job. I dunno. We’ll see.
Okay. Am tired go boom. I didn’t sleep quite enough last night, NOT THAT THAT IS A BAD THING. I need to push my wakeup time back a bit. ‘Later.