03 December 2023

Okay. I have taken care of the issue with my rent. Or I am in the process of taking care of it. After much anxiety and stalling, I texted Elizabeth and asked if I could come over (she lives literally right across the driveway), and she was cool with that, so we had a nice long chat. The upshot of it is I’ve given her the $500, she’s fine with me catching up the other half plus late fee, and I showed her my informational flyer for the temp job starting late tomorrow night. And she has something of a therapist or therapist-like background and we got into a little nitty-gritty which, she’s been wanting to chat more with me about my situation for months, but Pat’s final downward turn obviously took precedence.

And she teared up a couple times about that, but she was remarkably calm overall, considering.

I wasn’t so much. I’ve had trouble crying for most of the past two years but for some reason, it wouldn’t leave me alone in that living room. I suspect a lot of it is being tired. I’ve been trying to push my sleep forward and failing miserably at it. I have a blackout curtain in one of the cabinets in the dining room and I’m thinking about taking it out and duct-taping it to my bedroom window. (I have tools, but nothing that would make installing a curtain rod easier, and my hands don’t respond well to that particular type of manual effort, which is weird since I use my hands so much. They swell up. It’s a whole thing.) The light is the likely culprit. That’s a very nice west-facing window and if the walls weren’t painted very dark teal and very dark purple, that room would be very fucking bright during the day. Probably a big reason Elizabeth’s daughter painted the room those colors, is my guess.

Anyway. I seem to be becoming some sort of special project. Elizabeth and Pat have/had both been homeless before so I suppose that’s some experience I can draw from. I don’t know where all that will end up but for now I’m supposed to come up with three goals and also watch some BrenĂ© Brown stuff.

If it keeps a roof over my head and doesn’t ask me to give up my dignity, I’m somewhat willing to give it a shot.

The goals, if I understood correctly, are supposed to be about Me Stuff. Not mere survival but steps I want to take for myself to do more than survive. I will ask her again when I’m reasonably sure she’s awake just to make sure we’re on the same page.

I also need to remember to ask my temp-agency onsite reps about that payment card they gave me and how to make it into an instant pay situation. If I can do that, it’ll make everything a lot easier. I think all employers should use an instant pay system. Let the employee choose whether to get same-day payouts, but let it be an option. It was a huge help to me when I first started at Quantum and the Salvation Army was playing games and I would have wound up sleeping in my car again for a week before I finally signed the lease. No danger of that yet here — at worst, I’ve bought myself two weeks’ shelter with that half a grand I paid Elizabeth today — but let’s not even get to that point. Also I’ll want more food-shopping Very Soon Now.


Did I mention here a while back that I would hear funny noises outside at night, or was that on Facebook?

Finally figured it out. It’s the frigging American flag outside my main living-room window. It’s made of substantial fabric and so when the wind kicks up, it really whips around.

I will say this for the folks here: they replace flags when they get ratty. Some local businesses could take a page.


I did some driving today, but started much later in the day than I’d hoped to, and then got tired sooner than I’d have preferred, and on top of everything else lost my motherfucking mind and went to Delaware. So then I had to drive back from that. Tired. I will have to try to stay up until noon if I can. That will give me eight hours if I get up at 8pm. I have one source telling me to show up by 11:15 (shift starts at 11:30pm) and another saying show up at 10:45 and I do believe I will go with the latter because it seems a safer bet. But I need to do laundry anyway, so that is an excellent excuse to not go to bed for a while. I got some more Splenda and I have a decent supply of coffee, cinnamon, and half-and-half so if I need caffeinated in the next few hours, I’m solid.


Car notes: I need an oil change soon and I also need to get some power-steering fluid and this other stuff that goes in the same reservoir which helps condition seals and things in the power-steering system. The steering has gotten pretty loose. You can drive a car that has a power-steering system if the PS goes out, it’s just more of a pain in the ass. I also don’t want to actually damage the system, so there’s that. If all it needs is a fluid top-up, sorted. If it’s still fucked up after I top it up, we know it’s something else, so still sorted. Sort of. Halfway.

I could also seriously use new wiper blades. “Oh sure, give me the cheap ones,” I told Take 5. The cheap ones are never actually cheap from a mechanic anyway, and I’m getting better ones next time and putting them on myself. Sorted. Just like the cabin air and engine air filters a few months ago. You want HOW much to do that for me? Around $150 for the both together? Nah bruh. Fuck off. My delicate little ladybrain handles both just fine, thanks. So, more importantly, does my budget. Thus it will be with wiper blades. Alleluia, amen.


I hate being tired. Oh well. Laundry!