a note to haters

I hate that word, “haters.” It’s childish. I use it ironically 99% of the time. But I bet it got your attention, right?

Being an opinionated woman with a mini-platform thanks to the internet has made me a target for all sorts of bullshit from people who don’t like me talking. Over the past two and a half decades I’ve mostly gotten over my defensiveness, but not all the way. Thus this essay.

If you disagree with something I have written because your values and/or opinions are different, that’s your problem. I am extremely disinclined to read emails from people I don’t know or am not in regular contact with, anyone who sends me a message on Facebook but isn’t my “friend” there goes into the Other Messages folder and I never open that, and the commenting function is turned off here. On purpose. You will just have to stew in your own shit.

If you are upset because I said something about you that was true and the thing was good or neutral, you’re a weirdo with issues and you need to go work on those. Welcome to life as an acquaintance of a writer. It gets interesting.

If you are upset because I said something about you that was true and the thing was bad, you’re the one who did the bad thing. If it upsets you to hear it described out loud, imagine what it was like to be on the receiving end of your bad behavior. You’re not going to suddenly become capable of empathy. I understand that. But the way you get people to stop talking about your bullshit is to stop engaging in the bullshit. There are no shortcuts. No one else is going to tell you this, so this is you being told. Listen. Word to the wise.

I am not here to spread lies about people. If I say you did something or I say something happened, that’s what I observed. If I’m seeing it wrong, fair enough. But if you are doing something that could possibly look bad from any angle, maybe you’re in need of some wisdom and social skills. I can’t fix that for you. Just remember that it’s not defamation (libel, slander, etc.) unless you can prove it’s not true. And maybe you should make better choices from here on out.

I reserve the right to engage in speculation as well. That’s just who I am. I like to pick at puzzles. Telling me what’s actually going on, nicely, is what will put a stop to that. (I am also fond of announcing, “Oh hey, I was wrong! Here’s what’s actually going on.”) Any other reaction will leave me speculating that you’re an asshole.

People have never shied from reading the worst possible motivations into my actions. I’m estranged from my daughter, for instance, because I insist on calling her a woman and in her world, that makes me a bigot. No one is helping me sort out that situation. My family has therefore been destroyed for no good reason. If I happen to mention you had a kiddie porn collection on your hard drive when I knew you and that upsets you, get some fucking perspective. I actually have not decided, as of now, whether I will talk about things that bad. But after the way everyone’s treated me, really the only thing stopping me is when I can’t prove those things happened anymore. I still know what you all are. I will know until I suffer brain damage, go senile, or die.

And doesn’t that just chap your asses.

Grow the fuck up. Make better choices. I’m not your fucking scapegoat.

Good talk.

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[Last updated: 19 January 2024]