14 May 2024

Late last night I got a notice from Carvana that the payment process was complete. I couldn’t tell from my end when I logged into Chime. Old Me from three years ago might have been furious and panicky. Current Me thought, Well, clearly some signal has not come all the way through yet. Let’s sleep on it.

Good call. The deposit was in this morning.

Tanked up on a couple cups of coffee, then cooked breakfast and while I was doing that, Doug called. It was nice for once to not practically put my head through the window or have to sit outside in the humidity just to continue the conversation. Also, now that I have more of a clue about speakerphone, juggling manual tasks and a phone call is SO much easier. The upshot of the call was:

– My niece should be in baseball (fuck softball)

– Doug and I have both more or less given up on Dad. Even if he were to come around — about anything, really — neither of us would trust it

– Breakthrough. Just about everyone in my life wants to ignore what I write and come ask me the same fucking questions I already answered. The lightbulb has finally gone on for Doug and he realizes it’s there if he wants answers. I don’t know who got a hold of my brother, but I like what’s going on so far. Could they tackle everyone else who knows me, too? That would be fucking fantastic.

It isn’t that I don’t want conversation, it’s the deliberately pretending that I don’t choose that avenue of expression and basically having the position that my words don’t matter unless they get to control how I share those words. Man, just quit doing that. It’s never going to work and it wastes time.

So maybe there’s some hope there. Good timing, I suppose.

He’s heard from Thea again and Thea is pulling this shit of “don’t tell my mom we’re talking.” Doug told her that of course he’s going to let me know how she’s doing, and she just sort of accepted that. I told Doug flat out that I was glad she was doing well but that she acts like this and I haven’t hurt her at all, that my worst offense is not going along with the gender stuff. I opined that it’s probably the anxiety. He agreed that she definitely seems like a super anxious person. But he has also told her that he always has space for her if she ever needs a place to go. WHERE ARE THE ALIENS AND WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY BROTHER

I’d like to get to the point I can offer her that too, but it’s nice to know someone in the family cares.

I had hoped to get at least half my stuff mailed today but apparently L is really super busy. As much as I hated Matt for always dicking me around when I needed to talk with him about things — and at least part of the time, he was dicking me around — I suppose in a weird roundabout way it also taught me patience. The reason I needed to hear from L was I needed her mailing address. Can’t leave til I’ve shipped my stuff. Will not count on anyone else to do it. Lesson fucking learned. Sad part is I honestly think Carrie would have mailed things for me if I had promised to send her the postage and then followed through. But I’d rather not find out and I’m imposing on her enough already. Anyway, toward the afternoon, L and I finally connected. I have to mail the stuff tomorrow, but I know where it’s going. It is in Carrie’s SUV with my luggage-wheelie-cartlike thingie ready to go.

(Want to hear something sad? I used to be a lot more patient. I don’t know what happened. If this is a trend in a better direction, I will endeavor to keep it going. I don’t like me being impatient. It leads nowhere good.)

I did find out something interesting though! There are actually two stops in Lafayette where people can depart on buses. One of them is right north of I-10 at a truck stop. The arrival time in Medford is exactly the same, BUT, that one departs at ten-something in the morning. I wouldn’t be dragging Carrie downtown after sunset. COOL. I will run it by her and then get the damn ticket before it gets crazy high. They will go up to about $500 if you wait too long. If she nopes the morning bus, the evening bus is still an option and then she’s the one who said go in the evening and I’ll feel a lot better about it.

But in the meantime, as I have this additional time, I have run into an interesting quandary. The baggage size limits on Greyhound are stupid. They are actually smaller than for the airlines. I wouldn’t care because I don’t have a huge amount to travel with, but my laptop is half an inch too wide for the carryon, which must be 16″ on its largest dimension. That’s not going to work.

But I have this external hard drive, see. I could move all my shit over to it because hey, it’s got a lot of room, and then I could keep the external drive with me, and I could put the laptop into its carry bag which is really slimline, and then chuck that whole thing into the checked bag. Wrapped in my Sophie blanket, probably. I would be the one putting it on the bus; I don’t think they put any of that shit through x-ray machines. If they do now and they ask, I’ll just tell them the truth. Whatever they “recommend,” I’ve got to pass muster with luggage size. That’s THEIR fault. I don’t acquire my fucking computers based on whether they will fit on a fucking bus. I don’t know anyone who does. Anyway, I’ll use a luggage lock. I had to order a carryon bag from Amazon and I went ahead and got a lock for the checked bag while I was at it. Don’t need to lock the carryon. Though my iPad will be in it. I can’t let both computers out of my sight.

(Isn’t that pathetic? Homeless, mostly broke — that two grand has already been whittled down to Just Under Two Grand — and owns two computers! I wouldn’t be able to get jack shit out of them if I sold them. I wish well-to-do people understood how much the secondary market fucks the poor. Pawn shops are only one part of the problem. I once sold a pair of 14k gold earrings set with amethysts, diamonds, and emeralds to a JEWELRY STORE, not a pawn shop, and made $25. In I think 2000? My god. It immediately went to gas in my car. I miss those earrings.)

Point is, if I really bore down on it, it’d take me a few days to accomplish the file transfer. Good thing I’ve got time to kill.

Okay, I want to take a shower in the morning. Doesn’t mean I will, but I want to, so I should go to bed. I’m running out of steam anyway. ‘Night.